Wilma

So...what's up with you?

2009-04-30T17:12:38Z

Nothing..absolutely nothing...and I have a big problem with that. And how do I solve this? By taking it out on other people. Yes I'm 26 and I still experience hissy fits. I'm so bored by my regular working life and it seems like the majority of my friends are going through some self discovery process that everyone forgot to just get over ourselves and have a good time!!!

I recently had a heartbreak..well if you want to call it that. I was THIS close to trusting someone who in my book was completely un-trustworthy, but for the sake of taking a risk..i almost did and yeah I'm glad i didn't..well in my head I already committed to the act of trust but never got to follow through. Okay well the point is I was really into a asshole and he did an asshole thing. Not very original in my age group.

I go through anger...sadness...reminiscent...yearning..then back to anger...all in a 7 hour work week. It gets draining..and while all this is happening someone i kinda don't want is knocking down my door. Oh why couldn't it be the other...why couldn't the unavailable one be available?? No of course it wouldn't be that easy. That's life giving me a break... Silly me. Nice of me to expect him to like EVERYTHING I'm into and knowing that I would NEVER try to compromise for the other...yeah real balanced

I know I have issues with trust and opening up..so i started seeing a therapist..she kinda looks like Bea Authur..but I like her..shes pretty much type cast me into someone that I clearly am but have convinced others I'm not. Touche my dear...touche indeed.

I want to go somewhere awesome this summer...go to a good concert..be in puppy love...get drunk..lose 20 pounds..see a great movie..take more pretentious pictures..make more money..and eat more guacamole...

There...I finally made a list..

"Wake up if you want a ride to Washington School..."

2008-11-04T15:24:37Z

my mom said this morning. Then within 2 mins of her making that statement...my alarm went off. Coming from my slumber I had realized mom already took a shower and was giving me 20 mins to get dress and hop in her SUV to try to beat the voting rush. "So all I have to do is press a button and I voted Courtney?" Baffled at her statement I just said "Yeah it's really easy...don't make it harder then it has to be." She smirked at me as she parked the car, her enthusiasm was strange for me to grasp, but then again this is the women who always said she would never vote.

The line was out the door of the elementary school in my town. Mom smiled at me and fondly reminisced about the days that she and my dad would send me off to school with my various obsessions shown via lunch box. I myself was shocked that they still have that dumb looking Donald Duck painting in the main hallway. She rubs my hand and we go over the game plan...sign in..get your ballot..walk to the booth and press the button.

"WARD 4 DISTRICT 3!!!" an older man with dreads yelled at the top of his lungs. Apparently a gentlemen before us almost voted in the wrong booth which would of caused a cosmic meltdown in Roselle, New Jersey. "We don't need no mess ya know?" Said the old lady that had been chatting with my mom. She was a first time voter too. "Obama needs our votes." Mom nods her head and rubs my back. The man next to me in the Ward 4 District 2 line seem to have the voting thing down to the T, as he informed the man to the back of him that Gore only needed 600 more votes to win. "Shit there's well over 600 blacks in this town and just think if we all got off our asses then and voted." I nodded to myself as i digged for my cellphone...and yeah i was gonna miss the 7:06 bus to New York. "Is that true Courtney?" my mom asked. "Uh yeah..well among other issues but sure." I wasn't sure if I answered her question correctly because I was fixated on the frustrated poll worker that was trying to show this older white man that all he has to do is press down on the screen to vote. Then the poll worker sighs and goes in the booth with man to give him a demonstration. "Mom do you know that if someone wanted to be an ass they can call that voter fraud?" Mom looks at me puzzled and shrugs.

As I was about to enter the booth i saw two childhood friends with their mothers. We exchange friendly glances filled with "Oh my god i haven't seen you in years...I want to talk to you but I have to go to work now." I smile as I enter the booth and vote for who I want for president, senate, representative, and a change in a state amendment . I step out and see that my childhood chums had left. I signal to my mom and she walks toward me. "Remember...don't make it harder..push the screen..hit the red button and you voted." She listens to my directions and head into the booth. I wait for her by the door of the gymnasium and wonder how in the hell did I fit into these auditorium seats at age 6. I snap back to reality and notice my mother standing in front of me with a huge grin.

We walk to moms SUV and she ask me where do i want to get dropped off. I informed her Amsterdam ave would be best..I can catch the 7:40am bus. We chat about what we have in store for the day and I once again reassured her that yes she pressed the right button and her vote will count. "I know I'm being silly but I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing." She pull toward the corner to Amsterdam and begin to grab my purse. "Ya did good kid." I said back as i kissed her on the cheek and got out of the SUV. She smiled back and waved goodbye as she turned the corner to head to work. 739am is the time on my cellphone and the 112 bus comes toward me. Looks like I will make it to work on time.

Amazing

2008-10-20T21:14:08Z

that i still have this...i tend to only write something when I'm super frustrated or depressed, but since I'm waiting for one of my friends to get off of work...I'm just going to write this.

................

I've come to realize

2008-06-26T03:45:55Z

My personality can be relationship poison. My sorcastic/ straight up approach to situations don't seem to fit well in other peoples pallet. I stand there wanted to say to people WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY????? But I know what they want...approval..a sholder, a smile and rosey outcome or me to say oh no it's okay I completely understand. But i can't..and I don't think i will any time soon.

I'm always damned to be the bad guy...

I'm becoming what i hate the most

2008-06-12T20:16:11Z

A bitter cow....

a bitter...bitter jealous cow who tries her hardest to be happy for her friends, but everyday its starting to feel like more of a chore.

I am terrible.

*sigh*

Frustrated...

2008-02-09T08:32:45Z

That seems to be the theme for the past couple of months, and ive reached my breaking point..once again. But instead of taking it out on my friends or drink myself into la la land like i usually do. I thought maybe i would try this and maybe this would be more therapeutic. *sigh* Long story short, ima idiot...a naive idiot who dreams big but always seems to fall short as of late. I'm just pissed...pissed i can't find a better job, pissed that I don't know what i'm doing with my life and have no financial gain to back that up, pissed that I let stupid people who are beneath me, make me feel a certain way only to piss me off and make me feel like crap in the end. But the sad thing is at the end of the day, all the fucking ranting and raving i'll do i'll still end up going to bed and feeling freaking lonely, lonelier then ive ever felt in my life. But the weird thing is I dunno what to fill it with.

I'm trying, god knows im trying to be more upbeat and take one thing at a time but i just can't. I can't let my brain rest. For weeks ive spent numerous sleepless nights contemplating where I went wrong and how i wish i had all the the wishes in the world just to change that. But in the end thats just childish thinking. This is my life...this is what I have before me and jesus...it's wearing me down.

I just don't know what to do anymore with myself anymore.

I sure wish i knew.

My defense system is awesome..

2007-11-12T03:01:16Z

It kicks in anytime someone gives me a different perspective or if it's going a lil too well for me. That's when the paranoia and the self doubt sets in. Just be normal, just have fun. Don't get bogged down with duty and guilt of doing something wrong. Be happy with right now, maybe this is what you need, do be completely caught off guard and in the end potentially get screwed. It has all the makings of it, just another dumb girl who finally decided to give her brain a rest, but at the wrong fucking time.

I do everything right, what a good upstanding 24 yr old woman should do, but I feel like everytime i go out, someone is secretly judging me or thikning something bad. "Geeze lousie fucking lighten up" I tell myself. Everytime someone says something nice isn't done to try to "swindle" you.

Deep down inside ive always envied girls that wore there hearts on there sleeve, who can trust and know they can be trusted. I'm so not wired that way. I'm programed to deconstruct every single little thing someone says to me no matter what. Sometimes it came in handy, but other times I just ended up feeling miserable and jaded. And who wants to feel that way?

It would just be easy for me to shut down and not give a flying fuck as to whats happening to me and thats probably what I'm going to do.

Wow...I finally do get the saying "Ya know some people say the true definition of madness is when we do the same things but expect a different result.."

Moral Dilemma

2007-10-01T16:23:25Z

The girl that sits three feet away from me is looking for a new job. I think i know this now. Well maybe because I see her on the same job boards as I and she even asked me did i know a good temp agency so those clues help me put that conclusion together, but I think i just witness her having a mini breakdown. This one caller was giving her hell about a new series. She slammed the phone down which caught me off guard and I stared as she put her head down in disgust.

One side of me wanted to e-mail her and ask if she was okay, did she need a kleenex and what not, but the other side of me is..."Hmmm i wonder how long she'll keep this up because i really want this job."

I obted to do nothing.

Things I've learned from the October issue of Esquire magazine.

2007-09-19T20:18:10Z

How much i enjoy magazines geared toward men more than i do women. The articles are more interesting, the humor is five times wittier, and they don't obsess with improving your oral sex skills or different ways to "spice up your love life."
Men fashion is slightly more interesting then women's fashion but in real life if any of my guy friends wore these outfits I would think they could be gay. *read the article about the guy who wore the snug Thom Browne suit around NYC..and the hilarity that ensued.*
Chuck Klosterman is still my demi god.
The questions they get for there advice section is tops, highlights include, "Hey my sister is hot but im not attracted to her, what gives? or " I'm obsessed with my girlfriends bare vagina..it's not red..no bumps..it's beautiful, how can i tell her this without freaking her out?"
Theres this article about a guy who wrote a book of when he attempted to follow all the rules of the bible. it's hilarious... Apparently the bible is a great way to obtained helpful household hints.

Also the bible also has good pick up lines.

Your eyes are doves
Your hair is like a flock of goats
Moving down the slopes of Gilead
Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
Your lips are like a scarlet thread
and your mouth is lovely
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
Behind your veil
Your neck is like the Tower of David.
Colon cleansing kits are a scam, you'll get the same outcome with a high fiber diet.
Whiting toothpaste is also a scam, it only works with small surface stains but does nothing if your a heavy coffee drinking and/or smoker, a audience they target there product to.

And finally... I'll always have a hard-on for this man, even if on the cover he looks like a homeless guy with a suit on (he's growing a beard because he's playing Che Guervara in a film) He's delightfully weird, manly, and light hearted....i'm a sucker for that shit.

It's been awhile since ive posted something, I'm in dire need to change my icons..who wants to see my fug mug with my cell phone anymore...

What the bleep?

2007-06-18T18:52:53Z

I'm angry..for a lot of reasons, I'm angry because I feel that every form of patients that I have is pretty much sucked out of my body. I'm angry because I work a lot and if I want the things I want...it just has to be that way. I'm angry because people don't understand that and just expect me to have some sort of rosy outlook on everything which is certainly not the freaking case.

And the ironic thing is that I am happy, life couldn't get much better, so why do i feel so freaking crummy?

Because I'm being stretched 8 different ways and no one seems to understand this. I talk to my mother..she basically gives me the attitude to shut up and buck up cause shes been "tired" from working this way for years. I talk to my friends, there advice is just to quit but im sure they don't have extra money laying around for me.

Alot of the stretching has is caused by me, and I've accepted that. I hardly ever complain. but to be insensitive or to even question my character in anyway is uncalled for, it's hurtful and it fucking pisses me off.

I need a martini..

Thank You Sopranos and the Zab Judah Fight

2007-06-11T13:33:25Z

With your qustionable season finale and Conte basically ruining Judah's career I've never gotten this many pissed off phonecalls in my life. The last guy ranted for 10 minutes about how much the finale sucked THEN complained about the state of television and how reality shows are ruining the the country..... I am now waiting for the boxing fans that will be crying cause they bet all there money on Zab

...today is going to be beyond awesome

Ouchie

2007-06-05T13:17:07Z

Once ina while I'll wake up with a stiff neck. I'm not really sure why this happens,maybe its stress or in the middle of the night I decide to sleep like a crab but yesterday morning my alarm goes off for work and when I try to lift my head off my pillow a serge of pain cascades my back and lower neck. Last year it was worse, I remember it was so stiff that I couldn't even turn my head without wanting to cry. This time it's pretty tame, but still very annoying.
I need one of those tiny asian men at the mall to come to work and just step on my back or something.

Anyway in other news lastweekend was my graduation class for the improv, I preformed and I didn't freak out which is a major thing for me. In the end I'm glad I did it and I've met some amazing people, so yeah heres to the future, whatever that is.

Taking it to the streets

2007-05-30T15:51:15Z

Yesterday while waiting for my mother to pick me up from Newark, a man stood by me talking on his cell phone. His attitude seemed to me pleasant as he assured the person on the other end that he would call later and that his phone was about to die. He hung up and took a deep breath and exhaled with extreme enthusiasm. He looks over at me with a huge grin in my face and he says, "I'm sorry I know I don't know you and this sounds crazy but I love that woman..I fucking love her." All I could think to say was , "Wow man..that's deep."

He turns over and starts talking to me like I had been over his house and maybe dog sat while he went on vacation. "Boy I was married for 10 years and I never felt that way about the ex the way I feel about her. Hey you ever been married?" I say, "No" He says, "You got a boyfriend?" I say , "No" He looks surprised and says , "Wow..have you ever been in love?" Slightly annoyed, but curious to what he would ask me next i said, "No I've never been in love."

He shakes his head as if I had just told him I lost my legs over in Iraq. In a sympathetic voice he says, "Young lady I suggest you go out there and you fall in love, it's the greatest feeling in the world. Everyone deserves to, your not the exception."

I stare at him, knowing that he was planted there by one of my friends to freak me out or to just make me irate, but reality sets in when my mother starts beeping for me. I tell him to take it easy and that it was truly awesome that he fell in "love". As i walk away he waves and says "YOU GO OUT THERE AND YOU FALL IN LOVE OKAY?"

My mom, confused of course asked me "What the hell is he talking about?" I just simply say, "Oh nothing just some friendly advice."

Between..

2007-05-25T17:39:42Z

the old man with the gheri jurl that sat in front of me on the train yesterday, the crazy lady with the megaphone yelling about jesus with the plastic aborted fetuses next to her, French tourist, Fleet week, cats that if you pay a dollar it can supposedly dances, and possible drunk pictorials with improv buddies, I should really take my camera everywhere like I use to.

I still aspire to have my coffee table book with the worst photos in the world.

I have this nervous feeling I can't shake, maybe i'm like that woman from Medium, but without the bowl haircutt.

And now...the best phone call I've gotten at work so far..

2007-05-15T19:38:11Z

Me: "Good Afternoon HBO this is Courtney speaking"
Caller: "HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" "WOOOOOOOooOOOOOOO"
Me: "And a good afternoon to you sir."
Caller": "Hey there operator lady can I please speak to (insert name)?"
Me" "You certainly can"
Caller: "So yeah sweetheart hows your day?"
Me: "It's gotten better since I started talking to you."
Caller: "Oh stop your too much...hey did you happen to see the Sopranos this Sunday?"
Me: "I sure did."
Caller: Hey what do think would of happen if Christopher blew his nose?"
Me: " I huge dry cleaning bill sir."
Caller:(laughs) "Omg your hilarious." (continues to laugh)
Me: "Well I'm glad your enjoying yourself, I'll connect you right now."
Caller: "Alright...and you have a AWESOME day."

(and I connect him)

On second thought I think the best call hands down was when that guy started singing "Whats new PussyCat" randomly on my first day.

I'm so bored at work...

2007-05-02T18:52:33Z

That im actually posting about it on Live Journal. God i need to start writing in here more. Well working at HBO i've learned two things. Microsoft Outlook does kill alot of time and Having your friend sit a cube over to you is a true luxury.

Now if you don't mind I have to crush aspiring writers dreams by directing them to the "dream killers" line.

So whats new with you?

2007-03-04T23:00:53Z

I really don't know why I still have this. I never write in it anymore and the friends I did have on it probably think im dead. Eh I don't blame them I haven't been interesting in quite a while, but then again have I ever? Don't answer that.

Things are changing..I can tell, but I don't think im ready, I might say I am but I'm sure ive had plenty of oppertunities but squandered them out of fear or cause I'm fucking stupid. But thats okay ive always been late to the party. Whatever that means.

I have a headache, cause im PMSing...i think ive blamed everything on that today, so I'm going to go with that.

God this entry was pointless.

my new career goals

2006-11-03T03:16:23Z

So since ive been looking for new employment and nothings been sticking I've been thinking long and hard of my "plan b". So after searching my soul and being inspired but ole Hallows Eve ive come to the conclusion that I should consider the profession of a....

.....Dominatrix.....

Yup and i think i'd be good at it..

I mean I can set my own hours, be my own boss, travel, meet new people..hell I'd be "helping" people with a rare service only there "mistress" can provide. As your handcuffed to my bed..tell me your problems..why you hate your boss... and i'd be a helpful ear...while im applying your favorite nipple clamps.

And from what I heard the moneys insane...so I estimate if i throw my hat in the ring now...really per-fect my craft, I'd be out of the dominatrix buisness in about 3 years. Then with the money i earn i'll write a comedy book detailing my hilarious encounters in the S&M world.(If Barnes and Noble wants to publish this..im willing to consider for a considerable amount). I'll have a successful book tour...appearances on some HBO late night special...maybe get my own sitcom where I'll star and write.

Wow my life sounds way more interesting now...all i need to do now is lose 30 pounds...find a comfrontable push up bra and come up with a snazzy new name.

I was thinking Mistress Aurora...

Oh and my trademark paddle technique would be i bend the guy over and when im about to spank him I yell "Say it Loud"..and he yells "I'm Black and I'm Proud"....

Yup...

I hate Zach Braff!!!!

2006-09-11T19:43:48Z

Ive seen the trailer for "The Last Kiss" movie and i hate to say this...I might get bitch slapped by over-sappy indie kids who secretly watch the O.C. but I HATE THIS GUY. For one I didn't like Garden State...i thought it was a tad on the over-rated side and besides from the decent soundtrack I found it OKAY...not GREAT like some of you people professed at basement parties in New Brunswick....

And by watching the trailer I can pretty much guess the entire movie. Guy is unsure about life...and discovers what he really wants out of life while gettin into mildy entertaining situations with his even more stupid friends and finally wins back the girl that is clearly out of his league...and doing all of this "quarky" stuff while Snow Patrol....the Shins... or The Willlowz are playing in the background.

Please the only "Zach Braf mania" thats really going on is at Zach Braffs apartment

Now if you excuse me...I must wait till Jackass"number 2" comes out!!! :P

I thought you would like to know

2006-07-30T06:31:51Z

Last Sunday after Mike's improv graduation show, ula, steve and I were on the subway on our way to hipster-land and all of a sudden this homeless guy comes in with a shabby bicycle and a kitten in his bag...he sat next to Ula and I and started talking...but to none of us...he was talking to the kitten and apprently they were havin a tiff cause the kitten was pretty much embarrased by how his friend was acting. Ula punked out and sat on the other side..which of course gave the kitten a place to rest his weary bones. They were talking back and forth and the entire car was ease dropping on there heavy conversation. Ula then motioned me to scoop up the kitten and place it my bag cause the homeless guy feel alseep. I thought that was a bad idea...

We left the subway and Ula says "Why didn't you save the kitten?" I replied "If i did I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing I took away that guys only friend." and to me honest that kitten deserves a can a fancy feast...that lil guys is the reason why that man hasn't peed on anyone yet.

And also tommorow Mom, sister and I are going to Harlem for a music festival thats doing a tribute to Marvin Gaye...I hope to buy a retro T-shirt and finally prove my blackness...

Heratio Sanz

2006-07-07T18:08:30Z

tried to punch Mike T in the face lastnight at this bar in the city. He then proceeded to leer over me looking at this girl that was sitting across from me. He never smiled and looked pretty depressed...I also saw him later on the night trying to seduce this woman who didn't wanna give him the time a day but went on with it cause i guess she didn't wanna get her head chopped off.

I am offcially creeped out by SNL cast members...

I am also comedian groupie...lastnight was my 8688790808th time someone asked me if I was in a troupe and MC Chris from aqua teen hunger force also asked if I was in a movie....

I told him i work at a book store.... :(

Your so annoying..

2006-07-05T05:10:58Z

Yeah you really are..here I am having a wonderful time and here yous come along and just re-piss me off again.....UGH i would of been happy if i just got my purse and didn't say a word like I orginally planned but NOOOOOO you had to say hi to me...which prompted me to do the quickiest "wave and walk" on gods green earth...I mean wtf was that???? I don't do that....In other circumstances Im all about stayin in one place and making people im having problems with feel uncomfrontable..but your utter "cuteness" was nauseating enough...Does that make me a weirdo that I rather have someone burning a hole through the back of my head instead of you standing in the corner all mousey and passive like some god damn extra on dawson's creek????

But I know why I did it..cause I didn't wanna have to deal with anything at the moment..I was having such a great day then to deal with the one lil "problem" in my silly life just really turned me into what I hate the most...a pansy.

But can I level with you here?...this really has to stop..its extremely silly and I can think of other way more important things to be pissed off about.I'm just tired of being the bigger person..im ALWAYS the bigger person.( I wonder if Jesus or Arn Anderson ever had to deal with highschool drama in there clicks??) After this i realized a trait i did pick up from my family...holding serious grudges...and I don't like it.

In the end im being totally immature and ridiculous but honestly I feel like none of my friends would have the gaul to say that too my face...because if they were in my shoes they'd feel the same way too. But there not...lucky fucking them...

that or there more matture than me...but in the end ima pick theory A...

Core-melt or nervous breakdown?????

2006-06-25T04:44:53Z

The weekend started weird. Friday I had convinced myself i wasn't gonna have fun that night, but i did, so that was good. Earlier that night while driving down to that 80's club Jay suggested i should "talk to someone" if my life is gettin way too stressful. Now deep down inside i knew what he meant and hell ive suggested that to many of my friends who i thought were kinda going off the deep end, but heaven forbid someone ever tell me to get help???(the thought alone makes my stomach turn into knots) ...

Today I woke up to jays roommate havin a spazz attack and Tom buying me a sausage egg and cheese sandwhich from mcdonalds. Nice way to start the day i believe. They even convinced me to go to the city to this bar called down the hatch where basically frat guys yelled and cursed while drinking beer and wings with the world cup blaring in the background. I suckered urzsula into coming along knowing that she would hate every minute of it, and she did but im always glad to see her. (I know what your thinking im such an awesome friend... but im sure she'll force me to some hipster party in Brooklyn next time...)

I had a drank a lil but the combination of beer and lack of sleep put me in a funky mood when jay woke me up from the train. I was pissed...pissed i had to go to work...pissed I didn't wanna go to steph's party..pissed at my life...my job..my stupid self...everything. Before work i took a nap but that didn't help..i was groggy and irritated. I got to work, got in the back of the cafe and this lump grew bigger in the throat...I knew if one person said the right thing to me I would of just screamed and quit right then and there.

So heres the good part...I see Trainor...were talking..he tells me that ula tex himt sayin she had a horrible time at the bar and even though i knew she would..that still upset me. I excused myself..I ran into the women's bathroom and just cried...I cried for about 10 minutes. Every horrible emotion ive been feelin..all my frustration..my anger..my envy..just mushed into me bein sobbing mess. I couldn't stop. I just wanted to crawl into a ball and go dissapear..start everything over again. But what the fuck would i change???

I try to compose myself when i realize someone in the other stall was listening to me crying. I go to the sink to try to clean myself up. I hear a faint voice in the bathroom sayin "hey are you okay?" I look at her and tell her " I still have 3 hours left in the shift so no" and walk out.

An hour later im still tearing up while i'm working. (I tell some customers i had my wisdom tooth taken out... I have bad allergies or by the end of the night i honestly started sayin.."I'm havin a hell of a core-melt down but that dosn't count as a sick day so thats why im working") I go in the back room and call mom and start balling uncontrollably about how much i hate my job and i feel stuck and all my friends are happy and moving along and im bitter and going crazy again..and you get the drift. She tells me to calm down...finish the rest of the night and come home and relax. That I left stuff build up which leads me to my "attacks"

At the end of the night i feel a lil bit better...Ione of the new girls to take my monday shift and closing was pretty easy. hell i even start talking to people again. I get home which my mother sees me and attacks me with one of her reassuring hugs. I have to admitt it feels good.

So now im here writing out whatevers left in my head. I think the last time i was unhappy like this was sophmore year in college. Its hard to remember what i did to get myself back on track again cause anything remotely unhappy in my life i treat it as if it was some messed up dream. I think i didn't drink for a year or I played a lot of tetris.

But monday starts a new week..I'll start on my new book...continue looking for a new job..what hell i'll even start writing in my journal again, i'm sure i'll be fine. Everyone gets a lil down on themselves...more than others, but after reading back all i wrote I definetly didn't have a nervous breakdown...cause i heard those episodes involve valium and at least 4 weeks of recovery time...

Okay

2006-06-22T16:09:57Z

So alot has happen in these past couple of weeks..40 on the good...60 on the bad, so where should i start? I guess I can start on the bad.... at work...the rumor mill was running hot at the B&N to the point where i heard someone was out to take my job...and yes if you guys remember i do work in a cafe so in reteospect if someone wants to spend 8 hours cleaning huge fridges filled with milk and whip cream or making venti soy 3 pump no water chai's, then by all means take the fucking job, but I need the money so that was a pain in the ass to hear... But in the end everything resolved itself and the job is safe...whoopie...

Bad...Still no job...i'm bored out of my mind and I feel like the biggest loser on earth. I mean come on I would LOVE to wake up at 7 in the morning...come home at 6 eat a lean cuisine and only see my friends on the weekends...ahhh the life for me...

Bad..I took my temper out on one of my friends lastweek..My feelings were definetly hurt on this lil mini drama and watch out people..when I feel hurt..I go into evil mode. (What can I say im the master of confrontation. Well if you lived in my house you'd completey understand...I was raised by a ex football player and a nurse) Of course she deserved it, but no one shouldn't get yelled at the way i did it. I think the highlight of that night was that I was soooo angry at the other person and I was deseprate to give him a piece of my mind that I TXT message them evil thoughts..which they responded with.."I love you" so either this person thinks im playing around or is the smartest person in the world cause he completely no sold my anger...yeah wise move ass clown!!!!!! But now i feel bad cause its a stupid situation and the worst part about it was that it was down the shore...It had "True Life..I own a shore house" written all over it.

But good stuff has happen..I finally saw a yankee game..got to visit a old friend in the city. They've actually hired cool people at work. I had a two day fun fest with Trainor and Ula in the city. Watched alot of improv..laughed...finally passed out at the druken commune on a couch tuttle broke not an hour ago.. Deadwood is back and hell i'm breathing.

Gotta love the summer...

ps..im so surprised if anyone still reads this.. haha

Lets update this sucker....

2006-04-11T18:00:33Z

As im in class(earth systems) not really paying attention...concentrating hard on the last row in jumble the guy that sits in front of me cellphone goes off...and he just lets it ring..then he gets up gets his stuff and has a full conversation...

"Hello?...hey what are you doing tonight?..oh nothing im in class...yeah its kinda boring"

Yes you heard me...i couldn't keep a straight face...well the majority of the class couldn't...we just stared at him in amazement...so did the professor..then finally some meat head yelled out.. "You jackass!" and the entire class agreed and showed by giving mr meathead a round of applause.

One of the many things i'll miss about college..