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Wilma [userpic]


February 9th, 2008 (03:18 am)

current mood: frustrated

That seems to be the theme for the past couple of months, and ive reached my breaking point..once again. But instead of taking it out on my friends or drink myself into la la land like i usually do. I thought maybe i would try this and maybe this would be more therapeutic. *sigh* Long story short, ima idiot...a  naive idiot who dreams big but always seems to fall short as of late. I'm just pissed...pissed i can't find a better job, pissed that I don't know what i'm doing with my life and have no financial gain to back that up, pissed that I let stupid people who are beneath me, make me feel a certain way only to piss me off and make me feel like crap in the end. But the sad thing is at the end of the day, all the fucking ranting and raving i'll do i'll still end up going to bed and feeling freaking lonely, lonelier then ive ever felt in my life. But the weird thing is I dunno what to fill it with.

I'm trying, god knows im trying to be more upbeat and take one thing at a time but i just can't. I can't let my brain rest. For weeks ive spent numerous sleepless nights contemplating where I went wrong and how i wish i had all the the wishes in the world just to change that. But in the end thats just childish thinking. This is my life...this is what I have before me and jesus...it's wearing me down.

I just don't know what to do anymore with myself anymore.

I sure wish i knew.